A new direction...

Howdy.

A resounding "howdy" is more than overdue to all you lovely, patient denizens of the web's dark, dank nooks, crannies and corners. Sadly, as I'm sure you've noticed from The Bowl's pitiful posting frequency, it looks like it too has fallen in to said disused nooks, crannies and corners.

But like the phoenix who must rise from the ashes, or the inebriate vagrant who must hit rock bottom before discovering a revolutionary new theory in quantum physics, so too must Bowl of Granola renew and revitalize.

In the furtherance of this objective, I'd like to present three alternative themes for future content on this site. If you do find the time to dust-off your RSS feeds and view this post, feel free to weigh-in on these prospective new directions for The Bowl. If you have your own unique ideas about future content, get the hell out of here and start your own blog. It's not hard. Really. I did it.

1. BoG Celebrity Breakfasts

Nomnomnomnom...

Capitalizing on the intrinsic search engine value of the url www.BowlofGranola.com (one I've spent literally tens of dollars to maintain over the years), BoG Celebrity Breakfasts would scour the web for the very latest articles, tweets and posts on the dietary proclivities of today's brightest stars. If Halle Berry enjoyed a hearty portion of Muesli in West Hollywood last Tuesday, the public deserves to know. If Michael Cain paused on a London street corner to nosh on a Clif bar, The Bowl will post, syndicate, aggregate and repost. The fertile grounds of Hollywood breakfast gossip are ripe for the plow, and Bowl of Granola has the perfect opportunity to get in on the ground level before mainstream sites like the Huffington Post and CNN.com snatch up all the market share.

2. Bowl of Granola's Above Average Pet Adoptions

Not so fast there, buddy.

Let's face it, animal shelters are filled with hundreds, if not thousands of adorably homeless pets. That said, not all of these fuzzy friends are created equal. What originally appeared as a bright and sociable tabby can eventually become nothing but a fluffy burden of only mediocre intelligence. For the discerning adopter, Above Average Pet Adoptions weeds out the chaff. Our series of patent-pending animal IQ and personality tests apply a rigorous set of standards that take all of the annoying guess-work out of adopting a pet. Never again wonder if that adorable beagle could ever really learn to balance a rubber ball on his nose. Above Average Pet Adoptions selects only the very best and brightest forsaken animals to feature for adoption. Above Average Pet Adoptions - The Only "Natural Selection" You'll Ever Have to Make

3. [insert niche porn category site here]

If you tilt your head at just the right angle...

Much like overfilled animal shelters are a harsh, but unavoidable reality of life, so too are the swaths of niche pornography websites available on the internet. This idea is admittedly the most underdeveloped of the three, but it's also worth noting that it has the most potential to provide a return on my to-date investment of both time and approximately $25 in BowlofGranola.com. I'm not sure what sort of niche a pornography site called BowlofGranola.com would fill, but I'd certainly be interested to find out. Maybe it would feature animated gifs of attractive people eating cereal in the nude (note the potential crossover with idea #1). Or it could abandon the url's theme entirely and create a long-overdue home for Crypto-zoological-philiacs (those who fantasize about intercourse with Unicorns, Dragons, etc...). It's too early to say what my porn empire will ultimately look like, but it's not too early to say that it will afford me a gold-plated XBOX.

Because otherwise, what's the point?