The Hey Jude Flowchart - Charttastic

I think the following speaks for itself.




Via.

Burning City Firescreens - Friday Design Inspiration

Apologies for the light volume of updates this week folks. BoG is a labor of love, and sometimes it falls victim to labors of money, video game experience points and Facebook Scrabble.

That said, here's a little designy goodness to get you through the weekend. These awesomely apocalyptic creations are right at the top of my Christmahaunakwanzica list this year. I'm talking to you, Black Menorah Santa.






Oh, and can you also bring me a working fireplace? Yes, I'm well aware of the irony of asking Santa for a fireplace, but still, I've been moderately good this year and I think I deserve it.

Thanks to the folks at MakeMyMood.com for the tip.

Close Call - The YouTube Vault

Drunk Guy Fail - The YouTube Vault

Link

Book of Odds - Depths of the Net

For this week's startling Depths of the Net, we bring you the Book of Odds. This handy little site can calculate the odds of almost any random occurance. For example did you know that your chances of....

Visiting the emergency room for a drinking straw-related injury are
1 in 166,600

Drowning at work, regardless of your profession, are
1 in 91.47

Having a clothes dryer in your house are
1 in 1.29

Being injured on a mountain bike, if you're a regular mountain biker are
1 in 837.7



The site is filled with a seemingly endless stream of similar statistics, most of which are garnered from census data and past surveys. Check it out. Not a bad way to burn an hour.

Best. Tattoo. Ever.

There are no words. I wept openly when I saw this tattoo.

Hand Painting - Daily Design Inspiration

These are freeking awesome. You can view the entire gallery over at ThatWasFunny.com

Bullet Impacts - The YouTube Vault

Smart-Ass Test Answers

Thanks to Katie for providing today's two scoops of hilarity. Buy things from her to show your gratitude. Do it.

What is Columbus Day? - Fictitious History Lessons

It is with great excitement and also excitedness that I wish you all a very happy Columbus Day. Now many of you, like myself, haven't the first clue what this holiday celebrates. Well my friends, that's all about to not change!

So sit forward, tense up and get ready to learn things that are totally untrue about most people's 3rd favorite Monday holiday, Columbus Day!

Origin:
It's always good to begin at the beginning and present cited facts about historical records, so I won't. Columbus Day, named after time-machine-enthusiast Timmy Columbus, marks the anniversary of the completion of the Great Pyramid of Giza.

Literally hundreds of years ago, right after Cleopatra contracted the first-recorded case of syphilis from sexy aliens that built the pyramids, Timmy Columbus showed up at Cleopatra's house. While attempting to visit the distant future, he mistakenly set his time machine clock to whatever year she was living in.

His time machine ended up materializing in her bathtub. Thankfully she was out for a walk with King Tut at the time, so no one was injured except for only ten of her bathroom servants who died.

When she returned from her walk, she sent King Tut to the Ancient Egypt Store to buy some beer or something. Upon entering her bathroom, she discovered Timmy Columbus, who had passed out from all the brain-scrambling time travel.

Then she killed him with sex and used his ground-up bones to finish the last block on top of the Pyramid.

Observance:
Many people observe Columbus Day, most of them with their eyes. The blind also celebrate, but they do so privately.

In America, until the late 19th Century it was custom to chase pigeons on Columbus Day. Today, it is considered cruel for adults to chase pigeons, but Americans have been doing so since the late 19th Century, in celebration of Columbus Day.

Food:
Columbus Day revelers never eat on Columbus Day. It is one of the many ways Columbus Day is like lent or some other religious fasting thing.
Clothing:
Clothing is important to wear. If you don't wear clothing, you could be burnt somewhere bad, or end up in jail. And remember, from each dollar you spend on clothing 10 cents is used to starve children. (see above)
Animals:
There's nothing special to mention about animals on Columbus Day.



So there you have it. I bet you never knew you never knew so much about Columbus Day, and guess what? You still don't! Enjoy the day. Drink, don't eat, wear clothes and thank Timmy Columbus, without whom Cleopatra's bathtub might still be around today.

Wicked Stupid Hat of the Day

As the Queen of calculated fashion risks, Madonna generally has her finger on the pulse of today's hip-hoppity, jazzy-fresh, 20-sumpin' style trends. Many items from her iconic wardrobe age like fine wine, complemented by classic style and elegance.

This is not one of those items.

What the hell is on her head? Could it be a teal seabird thrashing for its life in a twisted ocean of golden locks? Perhaps a fashion-forward (and teal, did I mention teal?) symbiotic alien thing, a Venom/Versace hybrid if you will, trying to suck out what little grey matter is left up there?

Seriously Madonna, this hat is wicked stupid.

BRB - Cape Cod Extravaganza

Hello internets! This very special message comes to you from Past Josh. I know what you're thinking, and no, I haven't perfected my homemade time travel device (which reminds me, does anyone know where I can find some weapons-grade plutonium and an old claw foot bathtub?).

No, this very special message comes from Thursday Josh who, in an impressive display of foresight, decided to create and schedule this entry before a much needed long-weekend-long sojourn to Cape Cod, MA.



So, regrettably Bowl of Granola will remain dormant for the next two days (which for me (Past Josh), are Friday and Saturday, but for you will be Sunday and Monday....got it?) while I soak in what little sun is left in a mid-October New England.

Please totally disregard the preceding message if...
- Blogger messes up and posts this before Saturday.
- Nuclear holocaust.
- You can't read.
- Zombie War ensues.
- The cafeteria runs out of mustard.

Update: After finishing this entry, I got bored and wrote one for each day I'll be gone. So yeah...you didn't really need to read any of this. Happy Saturday!

The Genre Fiction Generator - Depths of the Net

Writers Block, your days are numbered, at least while the Genre Fiction Generator is still in glorious existence. This handy chart allows its user to navigate the murky waters of genre fiction, specifically Sci-Fi, with snappy visuals and old-world charm.



Now I don't really expect you to read all those teeny tiny words. The thumbnail is just a taste. Click here to access the fully monty and to check out Wondermark, which is chock full of similarly useful information.

So next time you're stuck for an idea, why not start with...

On a coal-powered one-way spaceflight, a young farm boy with dreams stumbles across a time-traveling soldier which spurs him into conflict with murderous robots with the help of a shape-shifting female assassin and her welding gear, culminating in a cliffhanger for the sake of prompting a series. The Astromancer. Coming to theaters Summer 2010.

Reasons to Never Go Back in the Water - Oarfish

It's called an Oarfish, and it can grow up to 11 meters in length. It is officially the longest bony fish in the world, according to the Guinnes Book of World Records.

An adult Oarfish has approximately 400 dorsal spines running the length of its back. These spines are used as a means of locomotion, and also to ward off predators (scientists claim that they give off a nasty shock, like an electric eel).



They usually stick to deep waters, but they've been known to ominously rise to the water's surface when sick or dying. It is also speculated that they are one of the origins of the many tall tales about killer sea serpents.



Read more about this horrifying nightmare-fuel beast at Wikipedia.

Facebook Status Generator - Depths of the Net

It's time for another scintillating (spelt correctly on the first try, woohoo!) installment of Depths of the Net!



This week, we bring you the Facebook Status Generator.



This useful little widget generates delightfully surreal Facebook statuses on demand. I've generated about 10 random statuses now, and most of them are way better than any status I've ever created myself. A few highlights:

...has been frenziedly googling for reluctant geriatrics.

...collects photographs of Teflon genitalia.

...smokes noodly bazookas.

This has also introduced me to the word "noodly", for which I will be eternally grateful.

Link

Wednesday Wordplay

1. A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.

2. A will is a dead giveaway.

3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.

6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

7. If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.

10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

13. You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

14. Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

15. He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

16. A calendar’s days are numbered.

17. A lot of money is tainted: ‘Taint yours, and ‘taint mine.

18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.

22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

23. When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.

26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

27. Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

28. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

29. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

Via

Just Something to Think About

Via

Sunday School - Bizarre Animal Facts

Happy Sunday folks. Just a few quick facts to keep the brain juices flowing over the weekend. Happy Hangovers!





Butterflies taste with their feet.



An octopus will eat its own arms if it gets hungry enough.



The world smallest mammal is the bumblebee bat of Thailand, weighing less than a penny.



If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.



Honeybees have hairs on their eyes to help them collect pollen.



The left leg of a chicken is more tender than the right one, which it uses most, therefore increasing muscle development.



The sperm of a mouse is longer than the sperm of an elephant.



As carriers of the bubonic plague, fleas were responsible for killing 1/3 of the population of Europe in the 14th century.



The African Lungfish can live out of water for up to 4 years.



An elephant can smell water three miles away.



There are more cows than people in the US.



The oldest known goldfish lived to 41 years of age.



It takes seven years for a lobster to grow 1 pound.

Annie Leibowitz's Disney Dream Portrait Series

These are just gorgeous. Photographer Annie Leibovitz collaborates with Disney and some super-super-stars to breathe new life in to classic Disney fairy tails. Enjoy.


Scarlett Johannson as Cinderella


David Bekham as Prince Phillip


Whoopi Goldberg as The Genie


Gisele Bundchen as Wendy, Tina Fey as Tinkerbell and Mikail Baryshnikov as Peter Pan


Beyonce as Alice, Lyle Lovett as the March Hare and Oliver Platt as the Mad Hatter


Jessica Beil as Pocahontas


Julianne Moore as The Little Mermaid


Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony as Jasmine and Alladin


For a few more shots, and much larger versions of these pics, check out AmO Images. All photos are courtesy of and copyright of Disney. Please don't sue us, Disney, we just think these are pretty.

Trick Pitch - YouTube Vault

Video link.

Crimes Against the English Language - Spam Edition

So I woke up today to find the following message in my inbox, undisturbed by Gmail's purportedly fool-proof spam filter. Never before have so many run-on sentences gelled to form such an inscrutable run-on email. Enjoy.

----------
Dear Daddy,

Is me your dear obedient son who due to circumstances and war crisis in our country has resulted I and my dear Mother now residing in a refugee campus in Ghana which we find a critical situtation since our health is even at risk for everyday and week other in mates living here die of cholera and here is the home where we seeking political aslyum since over in our country it isn't safe anymore because my father Dr.Slyvester D. Slanger of (DR.SLANGER & CO. MINING) who was the Administrator for Gold Mining Company was shot dead in our own country and so it doesn't make our country of origin safe at all,and i am the elderst child of my father and we are 4 brothers as families 2 died in a car accident in our country and experts say they were hit by gun,Is now left with my only surviouring brother who is also here with i and my Mum and he is my junior brother,he is 15 years old and i am also 22years old.

Daddy as we spoke yesterday on the phone concerning my late fathers consignment of (2500KGS) of Gold Bars worth an amount of $50millionUSD that i told you he deposited it with a Global Security company in thier security safe vault in Ghana and for that matter we will need your urgent assistance to represent as our late fathers foreign beneficiary so we could possibly make claims of my late fathers consignment so that it could be transferred to you at your destination so we could join you to invest from the sales of the gold bars and we hope by so doing you will change our way of living which isn't good at all and as for my junior brother he needs to further his education and i also would want to be an Entrepnuer in future i think you can help us have a better home and also make our dreams come true after we had claim my late father's property from the security company.

I am waiting to have a chance to go out from the refuge campus to go out and scan so that i can send u the ownership documentations and the gate pass will be given in a few hours from now if not possible i will do that tomorrow so you can know how truly and really we will need your assistance to claim our late fathers deposit to make a new life for us and also your effort will be greatly rewarded and so your urgent reply will be needed so after we have heard from you we could contact my late fathers legal attorney for him to begin with the process on:slanger_evans@yahoo.com.

Get back to us soon Daddy. (LTE Dr.Slanger Families).

First Son,

Evans.

----------

All this "Daddy-talk" makes this person sound like a spammy Hillary Banks.



Feel free to shoot First Son Evans an email at any point today. Oh, and tell him "Daddy" says hi.

Wicked Stupid Hat of the Day

Darlin', I believe your Hot Topic/steampunk/tiny hat ship has sailed. I mean come on, who wants a tiny hat that makes their already slightly bulbous head look like it's the size of a July watermelon. What is this, a headshot from the "B" pile of a Tim Burton film audition? Seriously, this hat is wicked stupid.