Let's talk. Let's talk about Wikipedia.
For those of you who don't know, Wikipedia is an infallible and scholarly set of documents, written with the Golden Pen of God (hey, whatever, I didn't go to Catholic school....or church), that holds all of the worlds information (at least what's left after you remove the porno) in a little box on your desk.
It will, therefore, like so many other pieces of technology, one day rise up and wipe out the human race.
Let's review. Wikipedia>technological singularity>sentient being>apocalypse>Rise of the Machines (TM).
Now that that's settled, let's get right in to Part 1 in 4 part series we like to call:
Wiki-pocalypse!
In Wiki-pocalypse, we'll discuss why and how Wikipedia is changing the face of the information age and is slowly but surely ushering in a robot apocalypse. In each installment, we'll examine a specific Wiki article, dissecting it's little Wiki pieces and preserving them in the formaldehyde-filled jar that is this blog.
The first article we'll be pondering is an entry for the beloved TGIF sitcom, Step by Step. (actual link to the article)
Inspired by the classic Brady-Bunch-dynamic, Step by Step explored the precarious (and hilarious) quagmires of living in a blended family full of big personalities, and hearts to match. Frank and Carol, the ringleaders of the bunch, used love and yelling to force their 6 collective offspring to get along, or at least stop breaking shit. The pair was occasionally aided by Frank's wacky nephew Cody, the series beloved stoner and "Alice" to their Brady Bunch, who frequently made matters more zany then they even were to begin with.
The Step By Step article is fairly common Wikipedia faire, detailing the show's run-time, plot, characters, background info, etc...
However, things start to get a bit fishy (and by "fishy", I mean that Wikipedia is going to destroy us all) in the section on the show's theme song and opening credits. Tallying up at a prodigious 573 words (3,286 characters...longer than most of my papers in college), this section of the article makes viewing the actual opening credits of the show an entirely obselete task (which, coincidentally, it sort of was in the first place).
To quote:
The opening sequence featured the Lamberts and Fosters at the amusement park (J.T. playing a "test your strength" game, Al and Karen sliding into a ball pit, etc.). The names of most of the cast slid from the sides of the screen horizontally.In the first three seasons, near the end of the sequence, it featured Ivy (in Season 1) or Cody (Seasons 2-3) with Mark coming down a walkway, both glancing upwards and waving to people (in the first season version with Ivy, this was the scene where Peggy Rea received her on-screen credit). The next scene has the rest of the family riding the roller coaster up-track as they all wave back to Mark and Ivy/Cody. This view then cuts to a moving, aerial shot of the roller coaster, as the camera zoomed out (with an "epic Miller/Boyett pullback" of the landscape and water) with the producer credits shown.By Season 4 some of the openings had changed Dana was getting her picture taken instead of squirting Frank and JT wit Karen.Karen and Al looked into mirrors that made them look funny instead of playing in the ball pit.Mark and Brendan were eating ice cream Brendan drops his while Mark is talking he steals his ice cream.Another part of the sequence that was cut was a scene that had Carol and Frank standing on a bridge next to a water ride, which splashed them as it came down the track.And on...and on...and on....
Now, no one in the BowlofGranola audience (which, according to Google Analytics just reached double-digits) can honestly claim that a living human being sat down and scribed this section of the article.
My hypothesis of this entry's origin is far more terrifying. It involves thrashing gears, cybernetic tubes (much like the ones the internet flows through) and ominous symphonic music. Picture a bad Borg episode of Star Trek (there was really only one(ish). Points to the first one who can name it). Terrifying....
In short, Wikipedia composed this obsessive entry without the intervention of human intelligence.
What does this mean?
It mean's Wikipedia has an affinity for laugh-tracked 80's sitcoms.
It also means we all have less than a decade before our robotic overlords take control of the planet. Think about it...I haven't.
I'll leave you with this thought. If robots do wipe out the majority of the human race...and we're forced to rebuild the planet once Neo uses his brain to kill them all, can we "make it better - the second time around?"
Note: From this point forward, all entries (or at least the good ones) will conclude with a "hardy-har" pun.
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